False Alarm

I always think that I have this sort of 'strong' intuition but not yet a '6th sense'.
I am just too sensitive, I pay too many attention to everything I see, hear, feel or sense. I reckon that every single thing signifies something.
Sometimes, am just proud of this side of me. It feels really good when you can tell something's been going on before u knew it. It's kinda like "AHA!! I knew it....!" feeling. Gee, I just like to be in the know which I don't know why but I'd like to know why *sigh*
Sometimes, am really tired of this side of me. Tired of connoting the wrong signals. It's just really annoying when u think u're right but apparently u're not. I know, I know am too naive remembering the term 'people make mistakes bla bla bla bla..' it's not that big deal anyway, but it's bugging me if it's related to my feeling. SO fucking cheesy isn't it?!
The bottom of line of this stupid post is I'm feeling this false alarm at the moment which I'm not sure if it is yet, but I'll find out!!!

Neverending

i'm worried,,
when will I start reading the book for my essay?
when will I start writing my essay?
when will I finish my essay that due in four days?
when will I get my results for this semester?
when will I go for my holiday?
when will I finish my bachelor degree?
when will I finish my master degree?
when will I finish my doctoral degree? should I do it?
when will I get a job?
when will I open my own company?
when will I meet the love of my life?
when will I get married?
when will I have babies?
when will I meet Wentworth Miller? seriously..
when will I travel around the world?
when will I die?
when will I know how life after death is ?
i'm still worried that these worries will never come to an end though it's only the "whens"

Trust Issues

I really am having problem with trust
it's really hard for me to put my trust in something, someone or even somewhere
one stupid ad said: "Not everything that you've heard is true"
yeah, I took that word seriously
though by 'not everything' slightly means one part maybe is
but it's a hard work to define which part is true and which part is not
sometimes i think that 'if trust does exist, we really are close to a life that will never happen'
I may sound really sarcastic and problematic here, but
It's not that I don't trust anything
It's not that I don't trust anyone
It's not that I have been betrayed so badly
It's not that I have never trusted anything before
It's not that I have never trusted anyone before
It's just me.

The Crossroads

Wlel, tihs is slipmy jsut auobt my sitpud flnieeg rhgit now...
hrad to drsbecie, esay to feel, hrad to let go, esay to cmoe
i dnot enev konw waht i am gnnoa witre hree
all i konw, it's jsut so orwlmvehnig idsnie
i rlaley wnana get out of tihs sitpud pshae as soon as pbsisole
i wnana esare it so bdlay lkie it's a tobao
i wnana feel it lkie tehre is no toromorw
Qsteuoin: Waht the boldoy hlel is gniog on whit me? keep cosrsnig my mnid
fnial dciseoin, jsut feel it, feel it lkie nonoe esle can tkae it!!

(first written on Sunday, September 02, 2007)

Emotion Sickness

People say girls are controlled by their emotion while boys are more controlled by their logic

Even though it's not always like that,

i taught myself not to be controlled by anything or anyone except myself

But in the end something is always in charge to control the way you act, the way you talk, the way you smile, the way you do anything,,,and it doesn't have any explanations

fuck!! i hate to admit it,, i'm losing my control

it's me,, it's not alcohol or other substances but still,,

i can't control it!!!!!!!!!

(first written on Thursday, April 12, 2007)