This Too Shall Pass

I have been holding it for far too long
I have been denying it for quite awhile
I have been enjoying it more than I should
I have been forcing it excessively
I have been prolonging it by many years
I have been crossing boundaries insensitively
I have been fantasizing it continuously

I have been hallucinating it too frequently
I have been falling too deeply
I have been going in circle too many times
I have been maintaining it too intensely
I have been depending on it all the time
I have been believing it too innocently
I have been opening up too comfortably
I have been expecting it uncontrollably
Now that I have accepting it, this too shall pass...

Frequency Modulation

When this zone seems far beyond me and no one seems to understand,

One frequency could simply get me
One frequency that could ignite segmented jokes
One frequency that I actually listen to
One frequency that I actually look up to
One frequency that I could relate to
One frequency that I don't think would be exist
One frequency that I've been denying

One frequency that warms the cold air
One frequency that ease the difficulties
One frequency that challenges my mind
One frequency that gives solutions to most of the problems
One frequency that keeps me company
One frequency that comforts me
One frequency that was always there
One frequency that seemingly could activate many of the same neurological systems that are triggered after cocaine use
One forbidden frequency.

A Letter to Popeh

Images of you,
Chilling on your favourite couch
Smiling and staring closely at me
Holding my hands so tightly
Like you've been saying goodbye
Images of you lingering still

You taught me,
That family comes first
That knowledge multiplies when divided
That nothing is gained without hard work
You taught me a lot about life
I hope I live your legacy

Missing you,
Like a heartache that never goes away
Like an unfinished puzzle
Like Puff Daddy missing Notorious B.I.G.
Missing you every single day and night

I believe you are safe and sound
I believe you are in a much better place
I believe you are always with me
I believe what Frost said about life, "It Goes On"

See you on the other side, Popeh!

Love,
ASP


(Jakarta, 10 May 2015)

Familiar Stranger

Suspicious look behind a transparent layer
Conventional pattern wrapped around a definite movement
Plain surface without anything left covered
Surrounded by a strong, gentle and masculine scent
Heavy sound with the calming effect on the universe



Safe and sound, Familiar Stranger,
Making an orchestra playing inside the heart
Non stop scrutinizing eye contact
Always wanna cherish the moment
Even every little piece of heart is starting to break reacting to the absence


No idea who you are but yet so familiar
No idea what you like but yet so familiar
No idea where you're from but yet so familiar
No idea why you're familiar but yet so Strange.

Happy Birthday Summer Breeze

Summer breeze blowin my mind
surprisingly that you are my kind
fulfilling and emptying at the same time
what i feel when i'm with you is a prime

Summer breeze please don't go
i know you've been saying no
part of me would say i told you so
it's my cue to let you go

Summer breeze let me fly
teach me how to get by
encourage me to achieve my dreams
unconsciously you become my channeling streams

Summer breeze please don't go
i know you've been saying no
part of me would say i told you so
it's my cue to let you go

Summer breeze complete my soul
can't believe you can make me whole
sometimes you know me better than myself
understanding without trying to lose oneself

Summer breeze please don't go
i know you've been saying no
part of me would say i told you so
it's my cue to let you go

Whatevership

Have you ever felt something that you've never felt before? It took you by surprise the mighty energy of attractions coming from an unexpected human being. No matter how hard you've been trying to deny it, it just keeps coming back to you.

Images of those sleepless nights: constant conversations with random laughter under the green umbrella, drive along the empty streets guided by city lights, sing along the guitar strumming under a cold rainy night, dance away the fear with a rapid heartbeat, walk along a crowded space with fingertips across the skin, a non-stop chats arguing over silly matters, multiple hidden confessions through continuous song references, long calls of exchanging each other's life story, those nights that sometimes were a blur of vodka or whisky, Images of those sleepless nights.

Simultaneously assuming it's all only in your mind which scares the images away, on and off withdrawal from things that you really wanna say or do, over-thinking every single thing instead of just feeling it, you keep building new illussions to shield you from reality or the truth, even though you can't even tell what's real and what's not.

How come something that happens so instantaneously are so hard to be let go? As if there's some kind of irresistible force that draws you two together, although, you don't know whether the only thing that keeping you two apart is maybe a success or a failure to embrace your destiny.

...Suddenly Complete Me

a pirate who hijacks my mind...
a jar of nutella that sweetens my days...
a ghost that haunts my surrounding...
a set of crayons that color my life...
a thousand needles that stab my heart
a moon that changes my mood...
a lantern that brightens my path...
a gloomy cloud that darkens my afternoon...
a muse that inspires my work...
a hunch that steals my sanity...
a clown that drowns my sorrow...
a trigger that sets off my anger...
a lullaby that tightens my sleep...
a noise that distracts my peace of mind...

Mixed Tape

A song that suddenly attracts your ears even when you're not hearing it for the first time, it just catches your ears, and you wanna listen to it all the time, whenever you got a chance, even when you don't, you always try to make the time, it makes you happy and less worry when it's played, wherever you are, even sometimes it makes you wanna skip any other songs that came up on your player and you just repeat it over and over again, and you will wanna know and memorize its lyrics, analyze its meaning so thoroughly and you will try to get a better understanding of it, it makes you try to adjust to its tune and broadening your tolerance level, it also makes you wanna learn the chords, although it gives you a mixed feeling that you feel stronger and weaker at the same time, you feel excited and terrified at the same time, when the truth is you don't even know what you feel. An old song that suddenly played on the radio and just catches your ears, sometimes captures your heart.

The Soundtrack of My Life

A friend once said,
"As long as whe share the same love for music,
We'll always be connected like how families are connected"

It may not be the song that you wake up to in the morning nor the one that put you to sleep at night.
It may not be the song that you turn the repeat one on each and every day until you're sick of it.
It may not be the song that if you don't listen to it for quite some times you will lose track of the melody and meaning.
It may not be the song that you just wanna listen to only when you're feeling blue or red or even yellow.
It may not be the song that you wanna bang your head to, nor the song you wanna cry your f*ckin heart out to, nor even the song you wanna laugh your f*ckin ass off to.

BUT, it is a song that you believe it'll always be there to divide your sorrow, to double your joy, to catch you when you fall, to help you make it through all the rough patches, and above all things, it's probably a song that will accompany and support you every step of the way like the soundtrack of your life.

FEAR ITSELF

Strange
was best describe how it felt at first
like a bizzare liquid entering your body all of a sudden
in the crossroads of curiousity and rejection.

Denial
like the first stage in five stages of grievings
all you could think about was the refusal to accept the reality
with no awareness of what was real and what was not.

Enchanted
like a dead battery being awakened after long years of sleep
so energetic that it could tires up the whole body parts just by watching it
with a touch of familiarity and comfort in harmony.

Miserable
like the desserts miss the rain, you can't focus on anything else
you can't even function and can't really be distracted, not even a little bit
so tiring but you don't know how to get out of it.

Fear
it's the feeling when emotion and rationality are being examined the most
when you weigh and see the pros and cons and possible insecurities may arise
although we know that it's normal to be afraid and "the greatest fear is fear itself".

FRIENDZONED

Sorry...
was probably the word that should have been said
not because I really am nor because no better words said it enough

Regret...
not exactly what I really feel
nor because I don't feel the same

Ironic...
"Monday, 13th February, 2012"

Faithless

When somebody told me something about trust, I started to think........ Is it all about trust? I guess it is.. Is it about somebody who is being so selfish that he or she really needs proof for everything? I'm not sure. Is it about somebody's feeling who is really afraid of what he or she truly feels? Still not sure. "Tuesday, 21st October, 2008"

CUL DE SAC

arguments. arguments. arguments. tears. tears. boredom. smile. arguments. hatred. boredom. arguments. a little bit of joy. boredom. arguments. hatred. tears. smile. arguments.

That simply describes a relationship that i have now.
"Saturday, 10th January, 2009"

'The greatest lost is what dies inside of us when we live, not death itself'

it feels like you're losing direction, no idea where to go
it feels like you're losing your soul, no control over mind and body
it feels like you're alone in the dark, being scared and lonely
it feels like you're running out of time, the heart beating so fast
it feels like you're having a nightmare, so unreal that u just want to wake up
it feels like your heart being stolen, you feel nothing but empty
it feels like your heart being stabbed by thousands of needles, it hurts so much you can't breath

It may also feel like u know 'how completely broken the world is, and u keep telling people I'M OK, I'M OK, but you're not'

Tick...tick...tick...

London, 18th May 2010, 00:23

Time
It changes everything
Good turns to bad, bad turns to worse til it turns better again
Time
It answers everything
Unknown to known, known to unknown
Time
It helps everything
From hurting to healing, from denying to accepting
Time
It flies so fast
In a blink of an eye
Time
It goes by so fuckin slowly
In the chase of a dream
Time
It does matter
That’s what life is about
Coping, fighting, cooperating and dancing with time

It's Never Gonna Be Like The Way It Was

She just wants to be happy
She can't get her mind off of him
She really believes something is going on
She who just wants to feel love again
She just realized that she has nothing in LOVE
She is hurt
She knows things have changes
She who can't deal with the changes
She is envious
She is full of questions
She is still not ready to make change
She who wants a quality time with him
She feels rejected
She is losing faith
She is not the sun anymore
She doesn't know what to do
She can't even escape
She feels abandoned
She misses everything
She may be traumatized
She feels betrayed
She only gets empty promises
She may expects too much
She doesn't know everything anymore
She is not so special anymore
She becomes pathetic
She is so unlucky
She is lost

I just hope that you can find what you're looking for Dear, it's only a matter of time..

Unstable Part I

when no one understands
when you feel everything has changed
when comfort zone is so hard to find
when you just don't care
when you just HAPPY to be alone though not by choice
when everything's just so sick and so wrong
when you start losing passion
when you cross the boundaries
when you TRY to have some fun
when you miss everything
when everything is very questionable
when avoidance becomes the best policy
when you find nobody's attractive
when conversation is hard
when smile is fading away
when heart becomes cold and empty
when you really need direction
when you expect too much
when the significant others are less significant
when you start taking instead of giving
when you are so damn sensitive
I guess the PMS has a great role in this phase.. Yeah, I do believe it's just a phase, so maybe the sequels are unavoidable..

Global Citizen Syndrome

Isn't it nice to have more than one place that u can call it home?
Isn't it nice to have more than one family?
Isn't it nice to have been to more places than anyone around you?
Isn't it nice to have more than one social status?
Isn't it nice to miss home when you are in your other home?
Isn't it nice to do things differently in different home?
Isn't it nice to adjust to your surrounding every time you go home?
Isn't it nice to have hearts and hands journey across continents and boundaries?
Isn't it nice to catch up with people when u go home?
Isn't it nice to tell stories about your home to the people in your other home?
Isn't it nice to contribute to your home when you're in your other home?

I just have to remember that life is not only black and white,
but there's also a gray area in it.

I Miss My Wings

I'm so tired of being here
I wanna stop pretending
I wanna stop giving
I hate being such a hypocrite
but I'm still me
So, I just need a break
I believe we pick and choose who we want to be close to
Once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by
no matter how much we hurt them
The people that are still close with you at the end of the day
They're worth keeping
although, sometimes close is too close

20 FOOL Reasons

I like the way you call my name
I like the way you call without any specific reason n just talk rubbish for an hour
I like the way you say something nice about me
I like the way you tease me
I like the way you care about me
I like the way you walk with me
I like the way you stand so close to me
I like the way you put your hands
I like the way you sit
I like the way you smile

Maybe I don't like you,
Maybe I just miss all those things that u did,
Maybe I was too unstable
Maybe I was exaggerating
Maybe I was lonely
Maybe I wanted you
Maybe I wanted someone else
Maybe I was in Love
Maybe I hate you for making me think about you
Maybe it just happened to be you that time

"When I talk about it,
Carried on
Reasons only knew
But it's u I fell into..."